My Pile

The Beastie asked me "Mommy, are you tired AGAIN?"  Well, Beastie, I am.  I'm spent.  Mentally and physically spent. But I'm living in a world where you can't say things like that.  To the Super Stay at Home Mom-  I'm the Working Mom stereotype that is ruining my child.  To the Working Mom- I'm not prioritizing properly. To my employees- I've let them down.  To my boss- I can't handle the stress.  To my husband- I'm just complaining.  To my mom- I've taken on too much.  Have I?  Probably.  Would I change a thing?  No.  Sometimes I just need a moment.  Sometimes, I just need a minute to just...be.

Some exciting news- I officially begin school next month.  That's right- this degree hoarder is getting her MBA!  This has been a goal of mine for quite some time now, and I can't believe it's finally happening.  One more thing to add to the pile- but I like my pile.  My pile is filled with adventures, learning, books, and great people.  I like my pile.  Sometimes I just need a minute, but that doesn't mean I don't want to keep my pile.

I read an article on why people burn out and why some don't.  They argued that those who overachieve at the same things burn out quickly.  On the other hand, those that compartmentalize, those that overachieve in different areas burn out at a much slower rate, if at all.  I'd like to think this is me.  I'd like to think I allow my managers to compartmentalize.  I try to be the kind of manager that let's her people try and learn new things.  I want them to have a comfortable space for trial and error.

I have colleagues that argue I shouldn't let my managers who are not at goal to do anything outside of managing their team.  I don't manage that way.  I want them to find a space where they stay engaged.  Of course I don't want them to be an under-performer, but why not have happy engaged employees that are doing their best in lieu of unhappy top performers?  Ideally you'd have both.  But I'm not going to punish anyone giving it their all.

What do you do?  How do you manage the extra curricular and performance?  How to handle not balancing it all?

Be kind.  Be human.  Lead.

Jessie

Deer in Headlights...

I've been sitting here with a deer in headlights look.  Got home from work, took Beastie to the park, and now I need to be mom.  Hang up Manager Hat and exchange for Mom and Wife.

These are the times I struggle with.  I typically half ass it all.  Catch up on news as Beastie runs around yelling at me to watch her newest find or physical feat.

What I'd like to do is hide.  Like a good hour of just hiding.  No one asking me questions, no one needing juice, no one with a need.  But that's not gonna happen.  

I miss my long commute- ok no, I do.  But I kind of do.  I miss the hour to myself.

Ok- I'm going to get up and be Mom.  I got this.

Be kind.  Be human.  Lead.

Jessie

The Passive Jerk- Oh hai!

The passive jerk.  Well, I've been called worse for sure.  My favorite being the optimistic cynic- which sounds clever and is quite true.  But alas- taken.  So The Passive Jerk it is.  I think I like it.

So I'm Jessie-hai!  I should warn you, this is not a blog about that working mother making rainbow cupcakes and working out seven days a week.  Nope, no all natural remedies or essential oils here.  It's more like finding time to read my favorite book while playing Shopkins with my four year old while my social life has completely gone to hell.  Or the nightly mental battle to read a book, go for a run, or just sleep.  Just so we are clear here- sleep usually wins.  Ah, the grand ole question of balancing work and life.  (More to come on that later.)

I love my life.  I am especially fortunate. I have a supportive house-husband, an incredibly independent four year old girl (henceforth to be referred to as Beastie), and a crazy family that may or may not think I just buy food for people all day.  

But, like most older millennials, I shockingly do not have it all together.  And while looking for support online I seemed to only find those successful, picture-perfect, found a way to fake the balance women who "have it all figured out."  Dear readers, I'd like to warn you that I do not, in fact, have it figured out.

So I invite you to join me as I make mistakes, as I being each day hoping to be a good mom, a giving wife, a strong student, and a kick ass people leader.  Because I love my family and I love my job.  And I hope I can share as I learn along the way with you, dear readers.

Be kind.  Be human.  Lead.

Jessie